I get into bed with my paperback book and start reading. My phone isn’t here with me. I leave it outside the bedroom at night.
I read a page. Then I realise I haven’t taken any of it in, so I go back to the top.
It’s not that the book is boring. I want to read it. It’s just that part of me is somewhere else, thinking about my phone.
I keep wondering if I’ve missed something. A notification, or just something going on. I don’t even know what. I know it’s unlikely. Nothing is going to need me at night. But I still think about it.
Another page. Same again.
I get a bit annoyed with myself. It’s a book. It isn’t asking much of me. I’d like to say I just let the thought go, but I don’t. I read the same sentence again, and then I’m back thinking about my phone.
The odd part is that I put it there myself. I chose to leave it outside, and then I lie here missing it.
Sometimes I think about getting up. It wouldn’t take long. I’d check, nothing would have happened, and I’d get back into bed. I probably wouldn’t read any better after that, though. I’d probably just start wondering again.
I don’t think I’m any calmer for leaving it out there. Not really. The pull doesn’t go away just because the phone isn’t in my room.
But it does ease, if I don’t give in. It takes a while. I stop thinking about it so much, and then I notice I’m actually reading. I’ve followed the last bit properly.
I think the difference is that getting it takes a decision. If my phone was on the bed, I’d have it in my hand before I’d even decided to. Out there, I have to want it enough to get up. Usually, once I think about it, I don’t.
I’m not sure it works every time. I haven’t really kept track. I imagine some nights I’ll read the same page three times and give up.
I don’t want to make a thing of it. It’s just a book, and a phone in another room.
I turn the page.
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